Written by Seems like it’s been awhile which is a direct result of the fact that it has been awhile. Speaking of summer, these box office offerings SUCK. Just bottom line, stink. Lots of muck, muck, and more muck.There aren’t many original properties being produced this summer as big budget films (save for Nolan’s Inception) and almost everything is a sequel (which can be awesome, see: Toy Story 3,but often are part of that mucky muck) or they are movie adaptations of television franchises (see: A-Team and The Last Airbender). Well, since Hollywood seems hellbent on making nothing original unless Inception delivers us from their retread evil, we need to discuss what franchises, movies, TV shows, music videos, etc. should be dusted off and Retreaded (new word).
Sherman: Just to get it out there… Arrested Development. A more thorough answer will follow. But, first, the weather!
Sherman LOVES "Mr. Wendal"
Jim: Having just put myself through a thorough (and surprisingly enjoyable) re-watching of the Alien Quadrilogy I have to say that I would be very intrigued by a re-boot of the entire series. I know, I know, there have been a bazillion Alien spin-offs that went horribly, horribly wrong, but that’s not what I’m after. Let’s remake the original four, Alien, Aliens, Alien^3 and Alien Resurrection with the same conceits and mostly the same plot-lines but with new actors (sit down Wynona Rider, sit down), a new crop of directors (did you know Alien^3 was David Fincher’s (Se7en, Zodiac) first feature length film? Or that the dude who did Alien Resurrection went on to direct indie cult classic Amelie??) and even better effects.
The big point behind this is that a lot of these retreads are based of off flimsy starting points. Alien’s legacy has been utterly tarnished by it’s spin-offs (AvP was on TV this weekend, made me want to barf). If the series was rebooted (or, hell, just do four more sequels, Sigourney Weaver is obviously still up for it, right?) we’d maybe be able to remember how badass the original Quadrilogy was! Alien is by far the best Ridley Scott film (the effects alone are leaps and bounds ahead of a certain sci-fi epic that kicked off the year before, what was it called? Star… something? Battle? I’m going with Star Battle) and Aliens is so good James Cameron put twenty years into one movie trying to beat it and failed. Alien^3 was mostly a pile of poop, but it gave David Fincher his start, and Resurrection was one too many Winona Ryders short of being an awesome movie. I would pay money to see the films remade with say, this line up of directors:
Alien — Christopher Nolan
Aliens — Neil Blomkamp
Alien^3 — Guillermo del Toro
Alien Ressurection — Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu
You would watch this retread and you would love it, right?
Kevin: I’d be on board for a revamp of Aliens 3 and Ressurection. Alien and Aliens are just too damn good and untouchable in my book. I think what should have happened in 3 and 4 was to have Newt (the surviving girl in Aliens) take over as the strong lead with Ripley dying (and staying dead) in 3. Would have been epic-the whole cloning Ripley-alien hybrid from one drop of blood in Ressurection was flimsy. I like the directors you got lined up for sure, but what leading lady these days could fill those shoes well? Thats a tough one. One lesson to be learned from Ressurection however is that all Aliens movies to be made must have 100% more Ron Perlman-yeah, that means twin Ron Perlman’s in the fourth installment.
Jim: See the point would be that the first two films would be good, but not nearly as good as the originals, but the 3rd and 4th would far exceed the originals. I just don’t think you can redo 3 and 4 without rebooting the whole thing. Way too confusing.
My first instinct to replace Sigourney was Tilda Swinton. She’s got the tall, athletic, tough girl thing going on. But, if the project takes 20 years to do all four films like last time, she would be even older than Sigourney by the time the fourth rolls around. I have a hard time coming up with young lasses who can really do the action thing the way early 20′s Sigourney did it… all I can come up with Natalie Portman, and she’s too short/can’t act and might even be too old at this point… If we could have nabbed Angelina 8 years ago and started it, that would have been ideal.
It really is such a tough role to cast, because when you think about how utterly unique it was to have an actress carry an action/sci-fi franchise like that. They don’t make ‘em like they used to.
I wouldn't even try to retread her.
Sherman: How about Anne Hathaway as Ripley?
Seth: Three options in ascending order:
1. Summer Glau- Already been a terminator, sounds like she could be PERFECT.
Patrick: The new Ripley should totally be some sort of multi-racial actress. I always chuckle when everyone in space is white…especially because by the time we can travel faster than light, the human race will be much more integrated racially. Maybe Zhang Ziyi? Although I don’t know that her English is good enough.
Kevin: Zoe Saldana as Ripley. Done.Tall, good looking and now the sci-fi “It” girl with Star Trek and Avatar-also, action cred with the Losers. She’s so hot her blue alien sort of look alike was attractive. Also as Patrick suggested, multi-ethnic.
Chase: I would like them to take another swing at Caddy Shack 2. Which is by far the worst sequel ever made and perhaps top 10 worst movie ever. Reasons why the time is right:
- We havent had a good golf movie since 96 (dual threat Happy Gilmore and Tin Cup).
- Chevy Chase is back in rare form (PLEASE WATCH COMMUNITY)
- Bill Murray needs to undo what Dan Aykroyd messed up.
- We all want to see Lacy Underall as hot mom
F-
Sherman: For an actual remake, I submit Gone With the Wind. The former top grossing movie of all time is full of drama, themes of loss and redemption (or redemption and loss). Plus, the classic needs to only skew some of its line readings and acting to become a vicious criticism of postbellum racial politics, because so much of the movie is subsumed by a paternalistic take on them. The movie is a classic human drama for good reason, it’s time it be updated in a way that acknowledges the only great failing of the postwar South overlooked originally.
Caroline: I am a lazy movie goer but a big modern lit bookworm so…
One of my favorite books of all time was brutally massacred as a movie– A Prayer for Owen Meany turned into Simon Birch. The book is twisted, sad and hilarious. The movie was just crap. John Irving agreed apparently, claiming he doubted his masterpiece could ever turn into a decent movie. Irving is a blowhard, I want to see it done. I would also love to see The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay and The Poisonwood Bible turned into epic dramadies on the big screen.
Our love for Superheroes makes this one RIPE for the picking
If you’re not familiar, this is often included in lists of the top 100 movies of all time and commonly considered the best anime adaptation of all time. I saw this when I was like 12 and it’s always stuck with me-definitely worth a viewing. This cartoon is based on a very popular manga series in the 80′s in Japan. Basically it deals with a post-apocolyptic Tokyo, waring rival motorcycle gangs, people with telekinetic powers that the government supresses and eventually learning that a psychic boy caused a nuclear-like explosion with his mind. This is perfect for a modern live action update. The universe it takes place in is highly stylized and engrossing, furthermore it’s a large civilization commentary/evil government program storyline but told throught two main, very likeable teenage characters in one of the city’s bike gangs, one of which has fledgling psychic powers. In the right director’s hands you could end up with something badass. Imagine a Blade Runneresque coming of age tale. Love story included as well. Also, it’s super violent, and would pull in the summer blockbuster action crowd, sci-fi nerds, and if handled correctly would gain mass appeal based on the storylines of struggling with adolesence, the nature of government and revolting against it, impending environmental/nuclear doom etc. Again, this could come out terribly if given to the wrong people (see The Last Airbender), but in the right hands (JJ Abrams production?) could be absolutely the movie of the summer/year if it happens.
(Editor’s Note: Leo Dicaprio’s production company has plans for this very idea! But it looks like production is stalled)
Greg: Interesting call on Alien 3. Although I thought it was good enough, del Toro is a good call for any monster movie, provided he doesn’t try to get too cute like he did in Hellboy 2.
I think a new version of Citizen Kane would be interesting. Not necessarily better but interesting to see what subtle changes could be made. Worst director for this would be Tim Burton.
Seth: Despite M. Night’s recent poopfest of a Toon-to-Movie adaptation, I’m thinking there might be some agreement here. Inspector Gadget is a character who gripped the hearts of many of America’s youth in the 80′s and then got totally jobbed in the 90′s by a terrible live-action film. Thanks for nothing Ferris Beuller. And then also thanks for nothing, Weird Alien from 3rd Rock From The Sun. I mean Gadget is a guy who deserves his own epic portrayal on the big screen and we already have all of the elements of something awesome. He’s a private eye with endless access to gadgets and two killer sidekicks in Penny and her best friend Brain. And how about villains? Oh I dunno, one of the best, most menacing-yet-largely-unseen villians EVER!
You can have your iPads, I want a PennyBook
I just feel like there is way too much cool in this show to have had such a heinous outing. Dream cast and crew:
So the aim would be to really ratchet up the action and keep the lighthearted umm heart of the original show. Why can’t this be done!?
Patrick: I’d like to see a re-do of Thundercats. Live action. I heard there might be one in the works, but who knows if it’s true (and I’m too lazy to Google it right now…Seth?).
Seth: This may be as close as we ever get unfortunately. This along with Voltron is one of the most rumored after and sought after remakes, but there’s rarely any movement on these properties.
From here the discussion (if you can call it that) spiraled into Sharktopus sequels, prequels, and spin-offs. I just don’t even have the energy for that. But really it’s probably going to happen so we should be ready. What franchises would you like to see brought to the big screen? We know they’re coming people, might as well tell CrazyWood what you want. It’s our only real chance. It’s probably too late. Nevermind it’s definitely too late.
