Summer Movie Preview 2010

I honestly forgot that summer movie season was upon me/us. The weather in Philadelphia has a serious case of multiple personality disorder and is killing me. And that’s my excuse for not doing my job. Literally all I’ve got.  BUT you say, it’s still spring. Well, not in Hollywoodland. Since the 2002 release of Spider-Man, the summer movie season has really started in early May, which I can’t decide whether or not I like. I mean remember when you were a kid and your mother said you could have more than the regularly allotted two cookies and then you had 6 and they weren’t very good cause they were Nilla Wafers? Neither do I, my mom never got Nilla Wafers because she loved me. Anyways, sometimes I think that we’re really just spacing out the hits and filling in the middle with a bunch of garbage. First I’ll offer some “previews” of some of the bigger flicks of this warmest of our seasons and then I’ll offer 10 bold predictions for the summer movies and their aftermath.

May

Iron Man 2- (5/7)
The biggest sequel of the summer helps kick it off. RDJ returns for what promises to be another fun ride, this time with even more star power and gadgets. I think we can all agree that we are happy that this got made. I certainly didn’t get enough of the armor and the billionaire playboy ways last time. Oh and Don Cheadle as War Machine because what’s better than one A-List actor playing Robo-Superhero? TWO A-List actors playing Robo-Superheroes!

Babies- (5/7)
For those of you who want the opposite of the above, we bring you Babies. Probably the cutest idea for a movie outside of Puppies.  This documentary looks at 4 babies from around the world during their first year. It’s possible that this will be the go-to movie to watch when you’re sad, that is until they make Babies 2: Human Babies Playing With Animal Babies.

Robin Hood- (5/14)
Ridley Scott takes on Nottingham’s Most Wanted in a different way. Not the classic Sherriff vs. Robbie story here folks. Instead Russell Crowe will portray Hood as he comes to be the outlaw we know and love. Cate Blanchett plays (by the look of things) an extra pasty maid Marion. Sure to be slings, arrows, and lots of epic music swells.

MacGruber- (5/21)
MacGyver gets a new lease on life with this send-up borne from an SNL sketch starring Will Forte. Honestly it looks pretty hilarious. I had really low expectations because the SNL movies have been wildly hit or miss, but MacGruber has two things going for it: MacGyver is awesome and Val Kilmer is an awesome villain.

Sex and the City 2- (5/27)
I don’t know why I A)Watched this trailer or B)It looks like they are using green screen for the camel ride or C) Why they are in what looks like Dubai (I honestly don’t know because I watched with the volume off). Isn’t the point of Sex and the City that it be in New York? I dunno. I just don’t know.

Prince of Persia: Sands of Time- (5/28)
This movie is either going to be really cool or really terrible. I haven’t read any advance buzz on it to get me excited or unexcited about it. Here’s what I DO know:  Jake Gyllenhaal plays the titular character and former Bond hottie Gemma Arterton plays the sultry princess. An attractive cast doesn’t a movie make though.  Video game adaptations are historically terrible, but having played the game, I can say that it’s well fit for a movie adaptation. Color me mildly excited.

June
Get Him to the Greek- (6/4)
A comedy based kind of on Forgetting Sarah Marshall’s characters. But also kind of not. Russell Brand reprises his wackado rocker role (is it really an act?) and Jonah Hill joins him, but not as a suck-up fanboy, more as a record exec who has to “GET HIM TO THE GREEK.” Get it? I think this could suck, but I like the talent attached a lot.

Splice- (6/4)
This is a film about two scientists who create a new lifeform. From everything I’ve read it is clever and well-made, but also mildly unsettling at some points. I am really excited to see it as it looks to be one of the few original films that will come out this summer. A rarity in this day and age.

The A-Team- (6/11)
TANK. IN. THE. SKY.

Toy Story 3- (6/18)
I can’t wait for this movie. I am a diehard Pixar fanboy because they never fail. And why would going back to their first SUPER hit be any different. We add some new toys and keep the fun alive with a transfer to a new locale. Weird that people who saw the first film when it came out could be taking their kids to this one. To Infinity and BEYOND!

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse- (6/30)
Twilight seems to me to be the Saga that won’t die. I just am really getting tired of the fever pitch over Taylor Lautner. It’s creepy guys.  I watched him in Sharkboy and Lavagirl this weekend and he looked like a snot-nosed kid, that was only 5 years ago. I dunno. Icky. But I’m sure this will have the requisite amount of vampire-werewolf-human love triangle stuff that is so hot these days.

July

Predators- (7/9)
I have loved Predator since the first time I saw Arnold square off against the crab-faced original goon. It was really just a great story of man triumphing over one of the ugliest S.O.B.’s I’d ever seen. The cast is pretty solid and Robert Rodriguez is at the helm, but it’s a tough spot to follow up an action sci-fi classic. I’m in on this one just to see the dreaded (pun!) ones.

Inception- (7/16)
Chris Nolan’s first movie since he blew everyone’s face off with The Dark Knight is this thriller set in the “architecture of the mind.” So try that one on for size. The star, Leo Dicaprio has said that they basically had no idea what was going on while filming, so there’s that. But two things, I will watch my doppelganger (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) in pretty much anything and also it looks pretty rad.

Get Low- (7/30)
A story about a man who plans his own funeral while he’s still alive so he can enjoy it. Sounds like a fun/interesting concept and it’s a true story! The real secret here is that it’s got Bill Murray in it. And I will watch him clean a bathtub.

August

The Other Guys- (8/6)
Lots of buddy cop films have come and gone, but for some reason I have a pretty good feeling about this one. Killer cast. The director, Adam McKay just GETS me. Not much more to say about that.

The Expendables- (8/13)
It’s definitely the year of the mercenary team considering The Losers, The A-Team, and this one. There are just tons of mercs walking around our celluloid this summer. This one though, has had my attention since I first read of its announcement.  It’s like when your favorite band breaks up and your other favorite band breaks up and the broken parts reform to make something even awesomer. Sly Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham and more team up to blow stuff up . 80’s flashbacks anyone? Dreams anyone? Opening Night anyone?

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World- (8/13)
Comic adaptation Scott Pilgrim has already been getting killer advance reviews and from the looks of it, this will be one of, if not the best movies of this summer. Some fun cameos from Jason Schwartzman and Brandon Routh coupled with Michael Cera’s starring role and direction from Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz). Plus my secret celebrity crush, Mary Elizabeth Winstead.  I’ve yet to read the comic and hope to before I see the film, but I know this: it’s about a guy taking on all of his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriends and it looks to have some whizzbang fun attached.

Those are the big films as I see it for the summer. Here’s some bold predictions:

1. Babies will lead the league in AWWWWWWWWs.
2. Sly Stallone (The Expendables) will lead the league in grunts and slow-mo dives out of explosions.
3. Pixar’s Toy Story 3 will be a smash hit, not that bold you say?! Well it will be so smashy, it will prompt a 4^th sequel, but this time they go for the classic revenge plot as Buzz and Woody team up to hunt down Andy for letting them go.
4. Some of you will see Splice on my vague recommendation and you will NOT be happy about it.
5. Twilight: Eclipse will finally make me jump to Team Edward.
6. The Switch starring Jennifer Aniston will definitely rub some people the wrong way because what’s not funny about your friend practical joking with your artificial insemination and replacing the ahem “goods” with their own.
7. The popularity of Predators will spawn a rebirth of the Alien franchise and with both revitalized we could FINALLY get the long-awaited Alien vs. Predator.
8. The forthcoming Marmaduke movie based on the classic (is it?!) comic strip will finally get that Family Circus script I’ve been writing the greenlight.
9. Nic Cage’s hair will finally get its own starring role after a breakout performance in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.
10. We’ll all be reminded of Megan Fox’s weird thumb when she steams up the screen in Jonah Hex because yeah we’re all looking at her thumbs.

We’ll check back in with these at the end of the summer, but for now, enjoy the show! Or don’t. But probably you should see Babies. What did I miss that you’re excited to see? What are your bold predictions for the summer movie season?