A Matter of the Utmost Importance: Fearless Oscar Predictions

Personally, I’ll be wearing a Jean Christian Penney (pronounced Penn-AY) suit for the red carpet this Sunday, and drinking only the finest boxed wine. It’s a night where all of our favorite stars get dressed up and get to be self-important smug people and get recognized for how well they can be someone else. When you think of it like that, it’s just kinda icky all around actually.

Listen, I know we’re all a little teed off still that Crank: High Voltage wasn’t nominated for anything (not even Best Documentary! Shenanigans Academy, Shenanigans!), but being the pop culture harlot that I am (we are) these things still matter (right!?). A lot of times I think to myself, “I hate the Oscars” or “Morgan Freeman is like the PB and J of actors” but really neither of those things matter this Sunday because: IT’S OSCARGEDDON Y’ALL. Predict away!

Andy: Bill and Ted, it’s long overdue.

Karla: I would like Christophe Waltz for Inglourious in the supporting actor category, but I fear he may lose it to Christopher Plummer.  I have some issues with Invictus nominees because while the acting was good, I felt like the story was so powerful that it lent the roles more weight than the performances of the actors themselves actually merited. I haven’t seen Crazy Heart, but everyone tells me Jeff Bridges is a lock for Best Actor.  I did love Up and if I could nominate Doug the Dog for something, I absolutely would.  It won’t win best picture, but it’ll win almost everything else it’s nominated for. How do those Pixar guys do it?  I would have liked In the Loop to be on there somewhere.  I thought it was hilarious, smart, and  well-acted.  I would like to add a “Mockumentary” category to the Oscars.

I think I’ve now listed every movie I saw in theaters this year, so this exhausts the categories I can speak about with conviction.

Brad: “Footloose” for best song. Look, just because it was released over two decades ago doesn’t mean that it is no longer the best song in a movie. And isn’t that what the Oscars are really judging? Excellence in filmmaking. This is my glorious fight.

Chase: Theodore Chipmunk for Best Actor.

Jim: 1.  Steve Martin will realize halfway through that he is utterly bombing recorrecting his route in one of the two following ways: A.  Man this is starting suck, HEY GUYS, LOOK HOW GOOD I AM AT BANJO, B. Alec Baldwin joins him on stage and they host the last hour and a half as two WILD AND CRAZY GUYS

2.  Steve Martin falls ill and is replaced by Zach Galifinakis.

3.  On the scale of host performances, Steve Martin will rate somewhere between Whoopi Goldberg and Greg Gumbel.

That’s all I got.

Sherman:Nicolas Cage, lifetime achievement award.

Steve: “Footloose” has tough competition this year with “The Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience”.

Chase: On a more serious note my predictions…

Sherman: No, director goes to Bigelow, because there’s never been a best director that’s a woman and because Cameron already has one.  I agree with all the others, though I put it at 50-50 Avatar or Hurt Locker.

Seth: Amateur hour is over, here’s the fearless predictions you wanted:

And some real ones:

-Film: The Hurt Locker, if Avatar wins I won’t be surprised, but I will be disappointed.

-Actress:  I think this is the biggest toss up, but I’m gonna give it to Sandra Bullock, because she made everyone care about this family movie as an Oscar contender. A nod to Carey Mulligan, who was fantastic in An Education.

-Actor: I absolutely LOVED Jeremy Renner in The Hurt Locker, but it looks like the Dude is taking this one for Crazy Heart

-Supporting Actress: My vote would be for Anna Kendrick for Up In The Air, but I think that Mo’Nique has this one locked up for Precious.

-Supporting Actor: Cristoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds which for my money is the best performance of the year.

-Animated Film:  After viewing 20 minutes, I knew it was UP and I didn’t need to see any of the others, although I did watch a few of them. Pixar FTW!

-Director: Kathryn Bigelow becomes the first female director to snag the Oscar. All Cameron did was make pretty (very pretty) CG. Bigelow punched you in the gut with The Hurt Locker.

-Original Screenplay: Inglourious Basterds, just some brilliant, brilliant slow burns in this movie and the words are what made it happen. Great writing on this piece. Could also see this going to The Hurt Locker. Funny in my world it would be either VERY wordy or Sparsely worded at all.

-Adapted Screenplay: I think Up In The Air will win, but In The Loop SHOULD. Definitely the quickest-paced and witted film I saw this year.

THAT is how you put the peanut butter on the jelly, ramblers! Who’s going to win big on Sunday? Give me your thoughts!