Written by Ramblers! Brands are cool. Let’s be honest. Sony is awesome, Apple is chic, and Google is some mix of super cool and super creepy. But they are all around us EVERYWHERE. One of the things that makes brands so indelible in our culture is their logo, it may be a simple word (Sony, Google) or a picture (Apple). Either way, when I say those brand names their logo probably pops into your head. A recent short film called Logorama explores this brand culture by using all of the brand names and logos to depict our world. Very cool, and kinda creepy. You can watch it here.
Anyways, pop culture is not immune to this brandification, in fact many movies create or pimp brands just as bad in the fake world as they do in the real one. Quentin Tarantino’s “Red Apple” cigarettes are a great example as they are the brand used almost exclusively in his films. There are tons of others and many which are really well-known. I guess it’s just another example of art imitating life. Or art trying to be life. I digress.
I’m gonna let the wolves chase this one first. What’s your favorite made-up for pop culture brand?
Sherman: I win, because I am rushing to claim… BRAWNDO… THE THIRST MUTILATOR. Not only does it have electrolytes (they’re what plants crave), but it has replaced water everywhere except from the toilet. Even Brawndo Fountains (or bubblers, depending on where you’re from) will exist to dispense Brawndo. Also, it’s got electrolytes.
Jim: I second the Sherman the idiocrat.
I will have to nominate an old standby that’s fallen on hard times recently, Acme. Not the supermarket, but the company that makes specializes in explosive devices put to use by various stars of the cartoon screen in Looney Tunes and the ill-forgotten Animaniacs. As a kid, we shopped at an Acme, and I secretly hoped we’d get bombs instead of eggs every time. Until Animaniacs came on the air, my favorite cartoon by a long shot was Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote. Without Acme, that cartoon has a lot less mileage. Really, Roadrunner’s speed is a set up. Oh, yes, he can outrun the coyote, this is a known fact. Not exactly funny. [Here's where the pyromaniac 8-year old kicks in] BUT what if Coyote is strapped to a rocket??? Can the Roadrunner outrun him then??? YES HE CAN HOLY S*** THAT IS AMAZING.
CLASSIC! Image credit: Alex Ross.
Seth: Really enjoying picturing Jim as a kid being super disappointed with his scrambled eggs when he realized they were not anvils, rockets, and super skates. ACME Co. rules.
Chase: I have put a lot of thought to this in the for 20 whole minutes. I have many favorite brands both real and fake and if they are not mentioned in this thread I will post a list at the end. My choice is the Sheinhardt Wig Company. This is one of 30 Rock‘s best bits and for anyone who knows about GE, it’s hysterical. I hope one day to be able to show off a business card with the title “Director of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming.”
Brad: Yeah, Acme is very classic–probably the most recognizable cartoon brand. BUT A CLOSE SECOND is Duff. Much as Acme was a manufacturer for pretty much any device that Looney Tunes needed for a plot point, The Simpsons use Duff for such a variety of purposes–as a theme park to skewer Disney, as a variet of specialty brands to skewer the brewing industry, as a mascot to skewer modern marketing, etc. Just a great fall back. OH YEAHHHH!!
(Insert Several DUFFMAN references: “thrusting in the direction of the problem”, “can’t breathe!!”, “can never die…only the actors that play him!!!”)
Seth: Personally, I think you’ve all missed the mark. Just a smattering of the glowing praise in the mere presence of this brand’s product:
-”It smells like, like a used diaper… filled with… Indian food.”
-”It smells like bigfoot’s d***.”
-”Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.”
-”60% of the time, it works every time.”
-”It’s illegal in 9 countries.”
Ladies and gents, I give Odeon’s “Sex Panther” from Anchorman.
Josh: With the number of loyal LOST fans on this thread, I can’t believe that Dharma hasn’t come up. Those jokers branded everything…… ranch dressing, cola, beer, cereal….. I’m willing to bet that Smokey has a Dharma bumper sticker stuck to its butt. I’m sure that this final season will bring us some great new Dharma products and tag lines:
Dharma Condoms: “So your lady friend won’t die in childbirth”
Dharma Razors: “Women, you get smooth legs and armpits. Men, five o’clock shadows”
Dharma Caskets: “Because Jacob or Smokey might NOT heal your wounds”
Seth: Or how about: Dharma Caskets: “Just in case you really didn’t want your relative dead.”
ALSO, the other brand I like a lot from movies is Pizza Planet from the Pixar movies. Pixar is one of the KINGS of putting fake brands in all of their flicks and I’m sure you’ll all remember the Pizza Planet truck in Toy Story and the actual restaurant itself as home to those amazing little aliens. Pizza Planet would chop off Chuck E Cheese’s head and serve it on one of their (probably) delicious pizzas. And you’d eat it, cause you’re a human and Pixar has mind control over humans. Graphic.
Chase: If you’re entering Pizza Planet can I raise you one Stan Mikitas?
Brad: Do either of them serve Bluth Cornballs?
Steve: So I’ve just now had the first opportunity to respond. Seth, you read my mind. I was gonna go “Sex Panther” all the way, but now that it is taken I’ll have to go with another brand or two.
-Ghostbusters – I mean come on! It was a movie and a small enterprise. A group of guys who go around and take care of all your supernatural killing needs, sometimes getting slimed in the process, saving a city from a demon painting and a giant marshmallow, and doing so with humor all the way.
-Dunder Mifflin – I’m actually surprised Chase didn’t spit this one out. Fictional paper company in Scranton, PA lead by
Michael Scott. Dwight Schrute adding ridiculousness. May be slightly dysfunctional but great none-the-less.
-Coffee Bucks – a complete rip off of Starbucks and the corporation of coffee
-Shower Shorts – “For the man who has nothing to hide, but still wants to.”
Sherman: Dude, Wernham-Hogg could outsell DunderMifflin any day of the week. Sure, unlike their American cousins who are all sad sap funnymen, the Brits are all funny sad saps, but England’s got Finchy!
Chase: Dark Horse Late Entry from Ren and Stimpy …. BLAMMO the makers of “The Log”… Does anyone know if they also made the Game “Don’t Wiz on the Electric Fence”? (YES THEY DID!)
Greg: Brawndo is definitely in front. As much love as I have for Duff… THIRST MUTILATOR!
For those South Park fans out there, I propose Cherokee Hair Tampons. I know it doesn’t technically have a brand, but they did a real life commercial to be aired at the end of a commercial break to fill in seamlessly. Hilarious. The traditional blue liquid test for the product includes a bundle of hair still attached to a girl dressed as an indian.
In an episode where natural remedies become a fad, Miss Information takes the town for chumps (with the help of Cheech and Chong) selling Cherokee Hair Tampons as a more natural product because its super absorbent and indians are more in touch with nature. After it is discovered that Cheech and Chong are not indians but Mexicans, this woman just stares at her huha (I love Mila Kunis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall) and screams. Priceless.
Josh: Brawndo is great and all… but there is only ONE thirst quencher….. here.
Sherman: Sure, but Brawndo’s got ELECTROLYTES.
Steve: Another energy drink for y’all to take. If you didn’t get enough electrolytes from Brawndo (which in all honesty is impossible) or didn’t get enough real lightening in your Powerthirst then top off the morning with some BootySweat (Tropic Thunder). That’s right… Alpha Chino’s energy drink. Once you are all electrolyted up and pumped from the first two energy drinks, this will get you surrounded by lots of women. Because we all get tired of banging tractor trailers. Some of us need women…
Summer: I’m a fan of mockolate. i’ve always wondered just how bad it actually tastes.
Chase: A few more of my favorites…
-Schimtz Gay
-Oceanic Air
-Initech
-Strickland Propane
Sherman: Oh, Initech is a good one. It needs a shout out.
But you know what else does? InGen. They gave you dinosaurs. Yeah, you can have your energy drinks, I got a freaking dinosaur right here ladies.
I can’t find the video from Jurassic Park, damn copyright laws, so instead, here’s a video of the Toronto Raptors mascot eating a cheerleader. Go Canada!
I’m going to copy a wise newsman and leave you with that as your “Moment of Zen.”
