A Matter of the Utmost Importance: Perfect Pop Date

It’s Valentine’s Day! Looking for love is a struggle as most of us know. It’s a battle as noble and vicious as any fight for freedom in history and one that EVERYONE in the world engages in. In this battle, it’s important to be prepared, to have the right strategy. With that in mind I turn to you brilliant panel. I’m excited for this because we have a good cross-section of folks who’ve conquered the battle, those on the last legs of the fight, and those who are fresh-faced infantry looking for the next step in the plan. To all of you, I ask: What’s your perfect pop culture date?

(Two options here, select a date from pop culture lore OR create a date focused on the pop culture you care about. Have at it.)

Patrick R: Well, in keeping with my usually short answers, I’m going to have to say that Ferris Beuller’s Day Off would be my perfect date.  Skipping school/work, driving all over town and doing random fun things.  It would be a blast and a great way to get to know someone or to reconnect with someone you’ve been with for awhile.

Paverick N: “Well, uh, first I’d take you shopping to stores you wanna shop in, and then we’d do a little lunch, probably at the Cheese Haus, followed by some golfing. And then at night, we’d take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus, and then I’d follow it up with a drive to a secluded beach where I’d pop on the radio and we could slow-dance till the sun came up.”

Chase: “That was the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard. I mean, look at you. You’re the kind of guy who would beg for sex. And I should know, we can smell our own.”

(Editor’s Note: The above quotes are from Mallrats.)

Karla: Patrick stole my answer.  What’s better than making out in front of a Chagall stained glass window, eating pancreas in front of a jerky restauranteur while he sucks up to you, hot tub session, driving around in SWEEEEET Ferrari, or having your boyfriend bust you out of class??

Now since my awesome first answer has been used, I’ll have to go with the 2nd option. I think I would go straight 60′s on this one.  Start off at the big Friday night game, show off the pin my hunky boyfriend just gave me (we’ve been going steady for three whole weeks!) then hit up the malt shop (one shake, two straws!) then the drive-in movie theater for a cheesy horror movie we can both laugh at.   Then to end the night, a romantic stroll down a tree-lined lane, where he turns into a zombie and breaks into an amazing dance with fellow zombies.

There probably wouldn’t be a second date because I sort of have a rule against dating the undead, but it would be a very memorable first date.

Sherman: You all lose. Perfect date is Willie Wonka’s Chocolate factory, in the form of an Elimidate. Winner gets my triple dipped ice cream cone. Losers get ambiguous farewell song by Oompa Loompas.

Chase: I think we really should defer to a true master of the movie first date Bill Murray.  I dare one of you to point to a less attractive man who is more adept at landing women way over his ability.  A three of his capstone achievements include:

Steve: I have to bring up a movie that we all know and love…Anchorman. The one and only Ron Burgundy lands new newscaster Veronica Corningstone by convincing her first that she is being shown the city of lovely San Diego as a colleague. After showing how absolutely idiotic he is up on the cliffs overlooking the skyline of San Diego, he brings her to a jazz bar (silent J) in downtown SD where he shows off his Jazz (silent J) Flute capabilities. The evening ends with a journey to Pleasuretown while riding on cartoon unicorns over a rainbow that he “does her on”. That’s a pretty amazing nightcap.

Josh: Being the romantic stud that I am, I like to keep a number of uber romantic dates in my arsenal. The first I call “The Aladdin”. I’m able to pull this romantic feat off because I possess a very princely quality (I also happen to have a magic genie and flying carpet, but it’s mostly the princeliness). Step 1: pick date up on magic carpet. Step 2: Serenade said date while flying through the night sky. Step 3:…… well, actually that’s it.
The second date in my arsenal is “The John Cusack”. Throughout this date, I pause and address the audience. I make really insightful comments about the type of person my date is, and about love in general. Naturally, I just assume nobody else can hear me during these asides. The night ends in a climactic finale as I stand outside my date’s apartment holding a boom box over my head playing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes”. This also tends to be the part of the night where the police show up and ask me to go home.

My personal favorite is the “Action Movie Date”. This date involves defeating an evil villain, saving the day, overcoming some personal fears, and learning a little something about yourself and each other. I have found that chasing after ancient artifacts is a great way to meet woman (see Indiana Jones, The Mummy, Sahara, and National Treasure just to name a few) Unfortunately, I know nothing about ancient artifacts or history, so I’m forced to make things up Legends of the Hidden Temple style. The Sphinx? What’s that?…. Harriet Tubman’s walking stick?… yes please! (Would you like to see my silver snake?)

My last date is called the “80’s Hairband”. I really haven’t worked out the details, but somehow it will end with my date crawling on the hood of a TransAm while wearing a Whitesnake jean jacket.

I really don’t understand why I’m still single.