Throughout the history of time we have seen many wingmen, sidekicks, right-hand men.  Even some left-hand men (Men also means women in this instance). A sidekick can play many roles: grenade jumper, witty foil, butler, or dolphin-riding undersea hero (Aquaman alwasy struck me as a sidekicky dude, had he been paired with Land Man and SkyMan, that’s a fearsome trio).  Regardless a sidekick has to be willing to share the spotlight, but have impeccable timing to step in when things are heading off the rails. Bad sidekicking: Chris O’Donnell as Robin in the epic fail flick Batman & Robin, this idiot goes looking for trouble. NO! Let the main man find the trouble, THEN you do gymnastics (if that’s your thing) and back him up.  But what the classic Robin has which makes him an incredible sidekick is undenying loyalty to his partner. THAT is the ONE characteristic that can be found in all great sidekicks. But which other characteristics make up the best sidekicks and who are the shining examples of these?

Seth: For me personally, and this may come as a small surprise to some of you, I’m going with The Blob from A Boy and His Blob, Blobert. A  Boy and His Blob is a sweet Nintendo game where you basically take the role of the titular characters and as the boy you feed Blobert jelly beans. I know it sounds awesome already, but each of these Jelly beans has a different effect on the blob (Full list here).  Now think about when this game was made, 1989. Now factor in the explosion of Jelly Belly Jelly Bean flavors and think of all the awesome stuff the Blob could turn into with access to all of these flavors. They have approximately 50 flavors, ummm, that could be super awesome. Strawberry Jam=Shark, Coconut=Car. The possibilities are ENDLESS (Note:Endless=50).

Karla: I’ve been pondering famous female duos in film and television, (Lucy and Ethel, Laverne and Shirley, Dorothy Rose Blanche and Sophia, Thelma and Louise, Blair and Serena) and there are not very many who possess the qualities I’d want in a sidekick. Smarts, sass, ability to kick ass, inability to steal my love interest…

In light of those, I think I’ll go with Jim from Blazing Saddles.  He’s funny, has amazing one-liners, and I think I’m safe from him poaching my main squeeze. Of course, I’ll have to pull him out of his occasional drunken stupor, but that’s what friends are for. And he’s got the fastest draw known to man.  So he’s good to have around.

Patrick: Clearly I have to choose Robin from…well, duh.  Batman. Not only was he an orphan and had really no one around to miss him or notice he was gone, he was also a gymnast with a grief complex about his family dying; talk about flexible and vulnerable!  He’s smart, can make a villain think twice about performing nefarious deeds and he can really pull off a onesie and a cape!

Jim: At the risk of exposing some deeply embedded notions of white privilege and racism in my character, I have to say Sam from Casablanca.

Not that what I want from a sidekick is a jolly black servant with a penchant for music and whiskey who will do pretty much whatever I say.  Sam is a really great friend.  If you dig behind the superficial racial issues of the time, Sam is an integral (if not the most important) part of the way Rick’s Cafe Americain (and by extension, the resistance to the Nazi’s) is run.  Think about it, Sam is the reason they come to Rick’s over the Blue Parrot.  Rick would be a whole lot more lonely if Sam wasn’t there to down whiskey’s with him, and his music plays a key role in helping the main characters come to terms with reality.  He’s always there, even when Nazi Germany is knocking down your door in the middle of the desert.

Seth: God, Jim is a racist.

Sherman: For a proper sidekick, you need someone who can be with you for the best of times and the worst of times.  No, not Charles Dickens, that mofo would talk to much.  I’m going with Titus Pullo from HBO’s too-short-lived Rome.  Pullo is loyal, good-hearted, and the best fighter in the whole Roman army.  When not fighting, he doesn’t need much, only booze and plenty of women to fuck (his words), and he doesn’t have any of your qualms about paying.  Sure, he might get really sulky and start murdering for pay, or else lose his temper and bash out the brains of one of your slaves against a column over trivial reasons, but if you become a bit unhinged yourself and inadvertently start a giant gang war in the Aventine, look who you can count on.

Josh: I am a big believer that a great sidekick is both capable and comedic, useful and unusual…. and other combinations of words meaning the same things and starting with the same letters. The best sidekick is one that could almost be a hero in his/her own right, but seems to get in trouble without their hero to keep them in check. I think the way I evaluate sidekicks can be best described visually. All sidekicks hold a position on what I call the “Sidekick Matrix”. (see uber-scientific image).

Sidekicks falling in the lower left quadrant, or “Barney Rubble Zone”, should all be dragged behind a shed and shot. They serve no purpose whatsoever.Sidekicks in the upper left and lower right can be classified as “Snarfs” or “Spoks” respectively. “Snarfs” provide only comedic value, while “Spocks” provide valuable skills. Think of them as sidekick specialists.

Chase: Josh I was expecting you to say Short Round.

This was a very difficult choice for me and I ended up choosing a slightly underappreciated sidekick:

Baloo from the Jungle Book. Baloo is awesome for so many reasons; very resourceful in the jungle, well-liked among peers, a greater singer, loyal friend, and as we discovered later in our lives, a skilled pilot.  On Josh’s excellent 2×2, I would put Baloo in the upper right quadrant.  No matter what trouble you may find
yourself in Baloo is more than happy to come to your rescue and to do so with a smile and a song.  What really seals it for me is that Baloo isn’t afraid to tell the truth and is a good enough friend to guide you to the right path even if it takes you away from him. Bonus points because he is a bear and that is badass.

Greg: Wow, I like Josh’s answer a lot.  As a person who owns the movie Willow I applaud.  However, is he really a sidekick? What Josh fails to mention is the greatest side-kick ever, Short Round.  Let’s think of how many times Short Round comes up huge in Temple of Doom.  Driving the getaway car, putting Kate Capshaw in her place (“Hey lady, you call him Dr. Jones”),  throwing Jones the whip during assassination attempt (granted his heavy sleeping let the situation develop beyond and acceptable point) breaking the Kali-ma spell by burning Jones, kicking the prince’s ass so he couldn’t use voodoo on Jones, knowing Chinese so Jones can communicate his secret plan on the bridge, showing off some sweet martial arts skills in the quarry.  In a less directly useful category but still awesome, he cheats at cards pretty well.  All of this while suffering from the malediction I like to refer to as “shortitis.”