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It’s a graveyard smash.
I think a really terrifying monster is from Pan’s Labyrinth. The “Pale Man” he is called. His eyes are attached to his palms and he eats fairies. And would eat me…alive. I think this is the scariest way of dying. The scene where he chases Ofelia down the hall (with a perverse, leering kind of gait that signals DOOM if caught) I had to fast forward through because I couldn’t handle it. So for just straight originality and horrifying-ness, I think Pale Man takes it for me.
But a close second, and the first thing that kept me up at night, is from the Nickelodeon show Are You Afraid of the Dark?. In the episode “Tale of the Midnight Madness” (in case you want to look it up), some mysterious man turned up at an old theater that was going to go out of business with a movie that started attracting lots of people, and, shockingly, the movie turned out to be haunted and the vampire comes alive and out of the movie in search of blood. The movie was called Nosferatu: The Demon Vampire***, and I remember this one scene where he wraps his long, deathly white fingers with really long yellow fingernails slowly, one at a time, around the screen and then his horrible head appears. Makes my flesh crawl. I think what makes him scarier than the original Dracula to me is that Dracula always seemed put together, well-dressed, well-coiffed, even in full-on vampire mode. But Nosferatu seemed to totally transform and come undone to reveal a truly demonic visage. And the hands. The hands are just too much.
***Nerdy details: Nosferatu originated as an unauthorized film adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula in German expressionist film in the 1920′s. (already a wierd and creepy genre…Cabinet of Dr. Caligari? Buehler? Buehler?) Film to netflix: Nosferatu: Eine Symphonie des Grauens ( A Symphony of Horrors). Here is the original Nosferatu to give you an idea of the creepiness.
Chase: Fact: I feel alseep during Pan’s Labyrinth, apparently you needed to be on LSD for that movie to make sense.
My number 1 monster of all time is Trantor. Plus 1 million points to anyone who knows this monster without further description. Trantor made his one and only movie debut in the instant Halloween Classic Ernest Scared Stupid. This was the second movie I rember being scared during as a kid. (Sidenote: The first movie that truely got me scared was Care Bears II: A New Generation – - Dark Heart may be one of the most evil bad guys ever.)
Back to Trantor, he was a badass troll who turned children into wooden dolls to feast upon their energy. The evil that he unleashed on the kids of Briarville is unspeakable, we should all be thankful that Ernest P. Worrell was there to save us. Just as he was when Santa was in need of rescue.
Greg: I was just writing about Trantor. In addition to ruining my pick, Pan’s Labyrinth is sweet and there’s no need for drugs. Although being able to read helps. You suck Chase.
Kevin: Chase wins-I was going to write about trantor, but alas I was slow. I frequently think about this troll-even currently walking around town at night when it feels like fall. He even had an appreance as a recent facebook status of mine. Fear a beast only bested by miak.
Patrick R: Seriously, though, I have to hands-down vote for the underground hunter things from The Descent. I don’t scare or get creeped out easily, but that movie really did a number on me. Just the idea of being trapped underground, trying to flee UP(!)ward is claustrophobic and psychologically damaging.
(Editor’s Note: Here is where a lengthy discussion of how Marion Barry equals Star Wars ensued. Back to our regularly scheduled inanity.)
Josh: How has nobody mentioned the monster from the movie IT? Hey, what are you scared of? ….. It doesn’t matter!…. HE. IS. ALL. OF. THEM. I’m pretty sure this character is responsible for an entire generation of coulrophobia (fear of clowns!). I still poop my pants a little when I see a picture of that clown with devil hands. Just incase you’re not scared of clowns, how about giant spiders? That’s right, “IT” is also a giant spider that will paralyze you with fear and then eat you. I personally can’t think of a more terrifying monster than my greatest fear.
Steve: What he said. Although the Pazuzu, the demon from the Exorcist that possesses the girl is pretty nuts. I would not want to be possessed by any demon, especially one that provokes me to projectile vomit bile and my insides. No thank you…
Sam: How about the possessed Devil-Mexican from Constantine? Within 3 minutes from opening credits, the guy finds a Nazi flag-wrapped spear that stabbed Jesus, grows claws, and straight crushes a passing truck by merely standing.
Kevin: So it is well-publicized that I spend an unusual amount of time thinking about/dreaming/planning for zombies. If the zombie Apocalypse is like the old school George Romero ones, then I would anticipate it with glee. Imagine running around with a machete and pump action shotgun exploding heads of slow moving, mindless, brain-eating machines. With a little planning and common sense, we could all survive. However, poop met the fan post- 28 Days Later, which introduced to us my submission: Fast Zombies. This is a very dangerous foe, what was a fun head exploding experience becomes a struggle for survival involving a shit ton of running because those fuckers are downright sprinting the whole time after you. This has been extended into Day of the Dead remake, 28 Weeks Later, Resident Evil (sort of). Causalities are huge when zombies can run, because they don’t get tired! So to survive this involves planning, being in shape, fortified positions, food, a working community….this list is long. Should you be so lucky. Motorcycles will be necessary. I frequently think about this. Fast zombies, a new more terrifying version of classic ghoul.
As we inch closer to our ghastly celebrations, be on the lookout for those creatures which give us the creeps. In a tournament of monsters, we all lose, but who do you think would win?
