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a matter of the utmost importance

A Matter of the Utmost Importance: Electric Boogaloo 2

By the rambler ⋅ October 20, 2009 ⋅

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It’s getting serious in here.Or as the Bad Boys would say “S*** just got real.”

You and your gang are facing the OTHER fiercest gang in the land. Question one: Is said crew a dance crew or a rap crew? (Trust me rap crews are things, I live in the 6th biggest city in the United States so I know things about city stuff like dance and rap crews). But I digress, dance off or rap battle?

Secondly, who’s your heavy hitter? You can go two ways here, actually employ a famous rapper or dancer OR use a character gifted with one of these skills.

Don’t anyone dare say Matisyahu.

Sherman: How can the answer be anything but Napoleon Dynamite? He brought a school together, made Pedro president, and made Deb smile. Oh, and beat that b**** Summer.

Patrick R: This is definitely a Dance Battle. Rap Battles are for people who can’t think of anything better to do with their lives. The captain of my dance battle crew team association is Paula Abdul; and I don’t mean the current coked-out, washed-up Paula, I mean Paula from “Straight Up” days, back when she could complete a sentence and also coreograph some of the raddest moves without any effort at all.

Aaron: I tried to formulate a dance crew here called River City Breakers. I might have to get the ol dance crew back together to take on the likes of Jabberwockys or the 410 crew. If you’re in my crew you’ll know when we are going to battle – cause you’ll get a text message.

Seriously though, I feel like I may have started out this conversation with a handful of man cards, but I may lose them as this response continues because I have already made references to Randy Jackson’s Best Dance Crew and Step up 2.

I think I’m going to go old school with my dance crew and pick up Omarion Grandberry and Marques Houston. You may remember them as the “suckers who got served” only to re-serve and drop a half-ton of airtrack laden baby mill freezes on the sorry keisters ofWade’s Crew at the Big Bounce.

If things really get heated I’m gonna reach back to Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo and get Kelly, Ozone, and Turbo because if they can stop a developer from bulldozing a community recreation center they can stop any rappers, hip hoppers, sugar hill gangs, running dmcs, beastie boys, 50 cents, snoop doggies, lil waynes or Kaynes from interrupting any kind of toprock or sixstep my River City Breakers are about to lay down.

Imma let you all finish but I think I have one of the best dance crews of this past year and ain’t nobody gonna tell me different. (bewilderedly, hands Matter back to Seth)

Seth: I think we were all just “served.”

Patrick R: Yeah, well, we DID get served, but we can’t all have such a working knowledge of dance movies and TV shows. I mean some of us have to get play.

Seth: RE-SERVED.

Matt: The fact that Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo was just used in a well reasoned and cogent response to anything, just made my day. Love it.

Kevin: Wow, the discussion of esoteric late 80′s, early 90′s breakdancing films is impressive. I am heavily tempted to discuss the artistic meritsof many of the indie rap talents/groups that I follow, but will resist the urge. In the case of a dance battle, while you are going back to talent, showmanship, and just wow-factor, I’m going to argue for iconic and simple. I will want my dance team headed by Mr. Karl Lake. This took some heavy wikipedia/imdb-ing. Who the heck is this guy? Karl Lake is the real name of a set designer in hollywood who stole my heart as the “robot dance guy” on many episodes of the Chapelle Show. He can be seen roboting in barber shops, clubs, backyard partys and anywhere dancing is/isn’t appropriate. No music, no problem, he is going to robot away, not looking at anyone and blowing your mind. The other crew will be laughing far too hard to battle.

Now in rapping, there have not been a lot of good fictional rappers out there, although I’m tempted to go to Chapelle again as Sir Smoke-a-lot in Half Baked, I cannot get behind an impotent, bipolar rapper. I’m going to have to go with a real-life rapper, but one that had a movie made: The Notorious B.I.G. (Suck it, Eminem). Now while I have stronger feelings for rappers based on content, composition, etc. there was not a human being better than Biggie in freestyle battles; while Tupac may have been more socially relevant, Biggie was unbeatable in terms of improvisation with the english language: case in point, when he was 17 years old making other rappers run away, there is no one better in the battle scenario, and think of all the songs/ impact he had and only lived to 24 yrs old. Incredible. Mos Def is a close second and in terms of battles, Cannibus would have to be in the mix.

Matisyahu has the best hats and sideburns.

Karla: Absolutely one hundred percent dance-off. I would kind of love to have a Sharks v. Jets/ “Beat It” video kind of dance-off with like a knife-fight turned amazing dance number uniting both parties. (Editors Note: This ALSO happens all the times in cities. I know I live in one) I would have one of two options as my secret weapon. one is possibly the first original street dancing crew to have a major film appearance, the awesome ladies and gents who did the dance on the stairs during “Twist and Shout” in Ferris Buehler’s Day Off. (not the German-American babes in dirndls from the float…sorry fellas). or I would just have one dude straight out of the 80′s with his adidas shoes and track suit, and large silver boombox on his shoulder. an old school b-boy, ready to breakdance at a moment’s notice.

Sherman: Can I get the Cat from the Paula Abdul music video?

Patrick R: Yes, Sherman, but only if George Lucas has “re-imagined” him.

Me: AND my answer gets taken. Ok, as a second option behind the Cat, I have to go with the one and only, dearly departed MICHAEL JACKSON in a dance-off. I mean seriously? The guy is beyond icon status. I mean have you seen this thing he did called the “Moonwalk?” My grandmother once spent hours (true story) trying to do it. Insane. Also he had a video game based on his dance. Ummm. Need I say more? The way he moved, I like. R.I.P.

What do you need more of in your life, dance-offs or rap-battles?